where are you gonna go from here?

7 09 2006

so i’ve decided that when it comes to matters of the heart, i’m a total dork. i wear my heart on my sleeve like a woman. and i get too attached and i am not near as confident as i appear. couple that with the fact that i don’t handle heartache well, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster when it comes to relationships… actual, potential or desired. i pray about it a lot too. now ironically, its this sort of thing that shakes a guy, who for the most part, rolls with the flow no matter the situation. my therapy is some quality music and phillipians 2:6-7 “”don’t be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. and the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” and i really try to do this. but my heart still hurts and overflows and turns me into a wreck. now i’m not a cryer – i don’t think i’ve cried legitimately since 2nd grade – so when i get upset, i just get bummed and introverted. i had my first experience with this back in november. and i made it through that pretty well considering the circumstances. i even started dating again a few months later, even though that didn’t really work out. and now, out of nowhere, like a bus, i’m finding myself somewhere between hoping for the best and setting myself up for the “its too good to be true” letdown scenario. and i’m way too optimistic to bail out – if it doesn’t work out, i never know until its too late and its crashed and burned and gone up in flames. and i try not to worry, because Jesus says not too, and that’s good enough for me. but its still hard to do. i don’t know, we’ll see what happens. it just stinks because i wasn’t even looking this time – it just sort of happened. but i don’t regret it for a minute – no matter the outcome, i wouldn’t have it any other way.

ps. i still think my life would be better if it had a soundtrack – here’s what would be playing during this scene…
Belong – Remy Zero
All I Need – Mat Kearney
Ice Age – Pete Yorn
Your Hand In Mine – Explosions in the Sky

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2 responses

12 09 2006
fins

Sweet Ryan. Rest your weary heart. Life’s too short to worry and wonder about what could be. Just roll with the flow. You are an amazing guy and you will find that amazing girl. I feel just plain lucky to have even met such a kind, silly, and, face it, weird lad like yourself.

And in the mean time – All I need by Mat Kearney will fix anything. Miss you buddy.

19 09 2006
Leigh Ann

Ryan. I like you friend. I think you are cool. Too cool for any dumb girls. You just keep being cool. But not cold – don’t be cold. Cold hearted or cold in temperature. It was cold here today… 34 this morning. YOWZA!
Anyway… just thought I would say that.

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